maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
