woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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