The maid of honor just puked.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize