Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
