i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize