Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
