omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
