Porn is love you can see.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
