Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
