I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
