no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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