You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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