We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
