Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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