I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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