We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
