I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
