I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
