You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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