Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
even my farts smell like vagina
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
