fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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