I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
