i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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