i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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