Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
