Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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