I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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