Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
