sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
