i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
