I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I need moral support for this bender
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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