I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i came on her dog
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The air was thick with penises
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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