she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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