remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
