Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
