i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
