I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
