you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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