I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
