did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
