Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
