it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
