She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
