my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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