dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
