Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
