im six kinds of drunk right now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
