fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
