I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
