I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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