someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
