So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
