She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This baby is an asshole
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
