dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
