At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
