I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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