Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize