wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
third nipple confirmed
this is an emotional support booty call
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
