Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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