How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize