I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
