you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
