I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
