If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
