alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
