One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
