like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
