I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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