We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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